On representation

Improvisational Technologies a
No, it's not about Forsythe. It's about how to make an improvisation with 121 photos and a text that has no logical structure.

Setting up
I accidentaly found two large white tables in my room. In the beginning I put them aside, but when I saw the amount of all my pictures, I thought, hey this is a nice lab table. I spread them all on the white table.
I didn't know which one to pick up. I couldn't pick any. I was just left numb staring at them.
Then it came to my mind the work of Ibon Aranberri called Politica Hidraulica.

The work features 46 framed aerial photographs, which Aranberri had commissioned. The photographs are printed in various sizes and framed in different colours and forms. The frames and the prints both have a certain retro character. They are then loosely placed on the floor, overlapping one another as if in temporary storage. Aranberri refers to this installation as something that creates a “claustrophobic atmosphere”, and does not try to “rescue memory”. With this form of presentation, he wants to suggest a backstage situation, comparing it with “the storage of an energy company”. It is not the single picture that interests him but rather the large number and exemplary character of the constructions, as well as the accumulation. He is attracted by both their particular “sense of beauty” and the totalitarian idea to shape a “generic landscape”.



I was wondering whether I should just exhibit the picture like that... It is about the amount of the photos. But it is also about the single photo that is able to work in order to shape the ideas grouping these photos, namely caption, interpretation, reality, violence, suffering, spectatorship, revenge, peace, ambivalence, power etc...
I can't take a decision now. The thing is that part of my research is discover the photos that Susan Sontag is talking about. Here they are. My work as an artist now is how to present them. And I think that this would be a great way to present them.
Food for thought for the future. That was just a small hint.

Understanding my weaknesses
Well, you can't improvise without having a vocabulary of movements. And of course everyone can argue in favour or against that, with a plentiful of arguments.
But what I want to say is, that trying to improvise on pictures that I don't really know what they are is almost bound to fail to grasp the level of a specialized lecture on war photography. Improvisation is a step that will come later. For the time being I need to find another strategy.

So I tried to identify what are the ways/strategies to start working on the text deeper.
I made a map of two possible ways and then tried to see their pros/cons.

Here is what I wrote/thought (but it's great if you click on the image also)

Method 1 (the playful way)

1. Write next to each picture all the elements of it, such as photographer, time, place, caption, Sontag's analysis, other information I find on google.
2. Do that for all pictures.
3. Learn everyday 10 pictures by heart.
4. Everyday make a revision of all pictures studied until that day.
5. Go back to the table and pick up one picture. Any picture.
6. Say some of its characteristics. Any characteristic (not all).
7. Link another picture with this picture because they share characteristics.
8. Try to identify the pathway I have chosen. Do I link them in certain thematics?
9. Pick up 2-3 thematics and work harder on them
10. Revise the steps when you have already done them, I can't predict now what will happen ...

Advantages

• learning process will be like a quiz game
• free floating lecture
• focused on photos content rather than a certain theory

Disadvantages

• need to learn things by heart
• very fragmented lecture without a thread of thought/focus
• demands time in "choreographing" the results of the improvisation

Method 2 (the academic way)
1. Read many articles on war photography
2. Try to identify what the main issues are
3. Write my own article discussing about these issues
4. Try to link photos to each word/paragraph/chapter
5. Read the article.
6. Althought its mine, really try to make it even more mine

Advantages

• focuses on theory (--> explains the content of my 'old' performance.
• has a clear beginning/middle/end

Disadvantages

• needs a lot of reading/time
• will make the lecture more rigid
• fear that photos might not be mentioned and that lecture becomes boring

Decision
I don't know which method to follow. Yesterday my Athens Log in reached its deadline. Which means I have no access to academic articles anymore. This is a big tragedy for me... I guess method 2 is a bit more difficult now.
But I don't want to exclude it just for that reason. I want the piece to decide on its own what the most appropriate methodology is.
I wonder whether that article (of method 2) could be of any use elsewhere...
What should I do ???? FUCK

An arts philosophical (idiot but important for me ) question
Kate Elswit, lecturer at Laban, some weeks ago had said that my article on nudity/nakedness was a very egoistic one. She could clearly see the amount of research I had done but I never explained anything to my readers.
I guess I am in this situation now. I am right now doing a research. But I don't want to cluster it in 10 mins and present it. I don't understand why I have to present it. The research is for me. I do it for my own sake. I don't care about audiences. I am not doing a research on how to approach audience. Who the f*ck has linked arts with audience? Why do we have to show our work? Why is art a communication? Isn't it creative to work on your own, to find your own paths, to discover new worlds? For me that is creation that is art.
Expressing this knowledge is a show off. Is an assumption that you, or I, are great and can educate the others. Don't give me that shit that you are not interested in educating the other. Once you show something to the other (that has research behind it), you educate him on your research. I am not an educator, instructor, teacher, professor, lecturer, priest, leader, head of state or god.
Now it may sound contradictory that I am putting everyday online this work. And I would agree with you on one hand. Yes, I am showing my work and yes I try to make it interesting for you. But maybe I do that because that's how I was educated by my culture. OR, (and this is what I want to stress) I do it because I am still researching, I am researching with you, I am making no statement about good or bad. You are here to give me feedback, not to learn from me. I learn from you.

My Yes and No Manifesto (inspired by Yvonne Rainer and Mette Ingvartsen)
No to teaching/ instructing/ educating/ leading/ forming
No to dissemination of results
No to results
No to reducing your research to 5 pages
No to imposing a certain interpretation of your research

Yes to allowing your research have multiple strands and interpretation
Yes to egoism
Yes, to accumlating knowledge together with other people
Yes, to asking opinions as a means of research

No to spectacle
No to finishing a research
No to encapsulation

Yes to non-sense/illogic
Yes to organizing principles rather than fixed logic systems

No to expression
Yes to methodology and procedures

P.S. This needs redefinition. Anyone wants to help to make it better?

Haven't done anything today

(still waiting for your corrections on how I read your feedback)
Not working (for the piece)***
It's true. I haven't done any work today.
I went to the studio only late in the evening. The space was different. People had moved the furniture. It seemed very tidy and clean. Nothing to do with me. It seemed fiendish welcoming. I wanted to leave. I convinced myself to stay at least 1 hour in side the studio. I did. I thought that my laziness would chill out and I would start being creative with it.
It didnt happen. I took some pictures of the space. I didn't want to work.
I knew what I had to do. I just didn't want to do it. I saw the boxes with all my material inside. I opened them to check out if everything is inside. Everything ok.
I didnt work today. My spirit needs to calm down from the feedback. Although I know where I have to head to, I am not sure whether I really do know the importance of it. I give to myself the excuse that I need to digest. Well, of course I do. It's not an excuse.

I can't work. I feel that the things I need to do now are small and tedious. I don't feel ready yet. I need some time away. I don't have the time. Where do I find the time? How do I manage it?
There must be a good strategy for people in my situation and I am sure some of you must have felt like that before.
So... what should I do???? How can I put myself back to work ? Here is what I've thought

Solution No. 1
I can cry and cry all day. Thinking I can't
Solution No. 2
Whenever I feel I can't work, I should watch a video of a performance lecture and keep notes.
Solution No. 3
Read again the feedback notes. Try to find steps on how to solve the problems.
Solution No. 4
Skip the work and go for a drink.
Solution No. 5
Something else you can suggest me ????

*** I was working though in the library for another module I have in shitty Laban called Creative Strategies, and I think this will take lots of my concentration this week. This is not necessarily bad because I am doing work and I am creative, but, still, I can't focus on the "pain of others" and it makes me angry. Here is a pic i took in the library while studying:

Pic. 1 The raw material

Experimenting with photographic Composition
While taking this first picture, I realized it needed a bit of composition to make it look more beautiful. And thinking of my lecture when I discuss about such photographers as Alexander Gardner and Timothy O'Sullivan who would drag the dead soldiers bodies to certain places so that their pictures look more interesting, I decided to experiment on what composition really means. How does it function? Just an empirical approach from an amateur, nothing academic.
Here are some of the results.

Pic 2. Changing the perspective

Pic 3. Changing the objects

Pic 4. Chaning the perspective again

Results of my little experimentation: Photographic composition is really fascinating. It has many similarities with dance composition but since it's a new field to me it feels amazing. The results are strong. I should experiment more on that.

Still Processing

(still waiting for your corrections on how i read your feedback)
Aaron has seen the videos of the presentation day and he sent me a very sharp (sometimes pleasurably painful) email. What I will do again is split it up in thematics and then asnwer my four question. So here I go:

1. Regarding the text

• What did I do? How did it function?
  

I show as if I have no ownership, I dont show confident so that the audience can believe in me. When I read text he thinks I am an academic lecturer.

• What should I do?
  

I should detach myself from the original text of Sontag. Some questions to consider: where do you pause? for how long? What word do you hit? What is a question? I need to own the text and the language. He suggests that I should study more books on the topic to widen my knowledge and strengthen my base and confidence.

• How am I thinking of going further?

Well as I have already said, yes the text was crap. I need to work on it. Probably through the means of improvisation. I am also going study a bit more two more articles I have on war photography. Keeping some quotations from people is not a bad suggestion, I could have them next to me and read them aloud if it comes on the course of my improvisation. After getting comfortable with the improvisation of the text, and slowly slowly building up a certain structure, coming up from the repetition of certain pathways, I should consider questions of emphasis and pause (but I should wait a bit on that... it sounds TOO advanced for now).

2. Regarding the self reflective convention of a performance lecture

• How does it function?
  

He thinks that I haven't been clear enough when separating the lecture with the solo performance that has happened some time in the past. He thinks that the excerpts I am showing from the solo during the lecture were not enough.

• What should I do ?

I should not use future tense as a means of talking about the past because it is confusing. I could ask the audience if they have seen my solo. He would like to see more excerpts from the solo performance that has "happened". He wants to know clearly his position/function in the setup.

• How am I thinking of going further?

The distortion of the position of the audience is something that really interests me. I am pretty happy Aaron is upset with that. I am questioning now whether there lies something in there that I should try to pick up and that is helpful to make my point clearer. I think yes. That is the correct use of grammar (I am sorry my english that day was very very very bad, probably bcause of the intrusion). And I should state maybe more often my position in this lecture. I am a choreographer that has made something in the past and here is my thoughts/theories behind it.

3. Sound

• How did it function?
  

He found the music modulation in the pigheaded image very strong (unsure why). He got less interested though when he saw me changing the programs of the apparatus during the showing of photos, because he understood all the magic.

• What should I do?
  

I should change the programs of the FX before people can hear them, so that they are less obvious.

• How am I thinking of going futher?

Well my idea is to link each photo with a specific noise. Either the war alarm or the wind etc. I need to rehearse more. I should definitely be faster in changing the program. I should never change a program when sound is produced. Only when no sound is produced I can change the program.

4. Nudity

• How did it function?
  

He is questioning whether nudity is a part of my aesthetic, he was not convinced about its usage.

• What should I do ?

No suggestion, but I think he wants me to think more whether I need to be nude or not.

• How am I thinking of going further?

I am quite sure that I want to deliver the work nude. It's not an aesthetic choice so much as a part of (a) revealing the truth, (b) blurring the boundaries between the "previous performance" and the today's lecture, and (c) referring to other performance lectures (Schneemann). If these points are not clear enough, maybe I should make them clear to the audience. On the other hand, I am not sure I want to explain everything to the audience. Maybe that's what Aaron means, find the boundaries between explaining my intentions or nor explaining at all.

• What did Aaron actually say?

Initally I had thought of putting all Aaron's email but it's 2 pages and it was too big. If someone wants the original though I can certainly send it back to you guyz. For reasons of brievity (does that exist???). Not censorship. He is indeed very strict, and sometimes painful, but... it's the pain of the others, not mine. :) Thanx Aaron

Kate Bush Fan Club in Laban
Anita and I are thinking of opening a Kate Bush Fan Club in Laban. All current or ex students, teachers, visitors, haters or admirers of Laban School you are free to join us. For our opening ceremony I suggest we all dance "Wuthering Heights" in group formations. Waiting for your membership. It's free and fun :)

Working from home

Next picture is dedicated to all you (intruders, emailers, phoners and haters)

Today, alhough my day off, I still worked in trying to digest the feedback that I received. And I guess I will still be doing that for the next week. I dont' think I am ready to go back to the studio and work. So I stayed at home and did work from here.

Here at bed working

Yes the thank you card lies on top of my head.

Shaving as a marking of a new beginning

One thing I did today is re-read sections of the book of Mary Douglas "Purity and Danger: an analysis of concept of pollution and taboo". The book has been really inspiring to me in other times.

This time I was again fascinated by the idea that dirt is something we are afraid of, trying to avoid it and that cleaneliness is the sacred. Anyway, she gives her personal experience on that saying that she says that she needs to clean up her space, room or house before she begins on a new work. I decided to shave my beard.

Here is the hideous result. OMG... I understood how much fat I have gained, I understood that my skin has dried out, I reallly dont like it...But it's okay since it symbolizes for me all that which I couldnt see before and now my eyes are open.

"There is nothing fearful or unreasoning in our dirt avoidance: it is a creative movement, an attempt to relate form to function, to make unity of experience " (Mary Douglas)

On the mess of my space

In that book also I discovered some things about my messiness:

“Purity and danger presupposed that everyone universally finds dirt offensive, which I still stand by. But what counts as dirt? It depends on the classifications in use. Basil Bernstein made a cogent criticism: some areas of one’s life are kept clan and tidy, but, in others, a lot of mess is happily tolerated. Some people live in a highly classified way all the time. Should I not allow for the obsessional artist whose tolerance of disorder is practically complete? His studio is chaotic, he sleeps there, eats there, urinates in the hand basin or out of the window when his passion for his work gives him no time to go to the w.c. Everything looks wildly disorderd, except on his canvas: there alone do calm and order reign. For him the canvas is the only sacred space, where repletness is compulsory and where the least sign of disorder would send him into fits of anxiety. (Douglas, second publication 2002).

I think the fact that my space seems so messy is a great thing for me as it works in a way that is shocking the audience, it puts them in a discomfortable place of something that they don't like (=dirt) but they have to watch it now whether they like it or not.

Some ideas that are really outsiders on the presentational mode of the work (still on my head though)

• Maybe I just present this blog and that's all. It speaks for itself. And I never present the performance lecture live
  
• Maybe I get interested from now in writing the blog as if this performance has already been asked by different cities and I present it there. It's like building up a certain mythology around my name. This way I could work more on the blurring of the boundaries of reality. But the lies would be so well done or so small that noone would tell what is true.
  
• Maybe I change space. I might need a bigger one. I am not sure why though.

I was also watching Miguel's video again. During the performance at a point of time the song of Kate Bush "Wuthering Heights" is featuring while he is standing over a candle and burning himself. Anyway, I loved the song, so I went to Youtube to see the videoclip. I got very excited with the artist and her dance/choreographic abilities. So I decided to check even more on her. Here is what I discovered that is really interesting on my research:

The song is talking about the BFPO (British Forces Posted Overseas). The song was written in 1980 and speaks about death of young soldiers (maybe in the Vietnam war? I don't know). Seminal importance is given to the role of photography in the video. Everything comes from the eyes of Kate Bush who act as a photographic camera. More than that, remember that Vietnam war is the first war ever to be witnessed/covered by tv 24/7 and so the war really became a living room experience. Look at the movement of the camera especially during the bombing session. It has nothing to do with the experienced hands of a Holywoodian cameraman. It has the touch of raw material. Also attention to the movement of her eyes on the sound of a photocamera shot.Very interesting. A friend told me that the sound of a photocamera is very similar to when you arm your gun.
Hope you like it too.

Processing and Digesting

Yesterday I tried to put in an order the feedback I got from some emails and from some friendly intruders when they entered my rehearsal space.
So, what I'll do here is write in my own words what I thought they said. This is a great exercise to make sure you really get what other people tell you. Sometimes we understand what we want to understand and some important issues our memory just strikes them out. And then put also some videos/text from them. I would like you to tell me what is wrong or what I have forgotten.
How will I do that?
I will have three questions that I need to reply.

• How does it function for the audience;
• What did the people recommend me to do;
• How do I think of going further; and
• What did they actually say/ wrote.

Again, I would like you to write me back and give me corrections or addition to what I think you said about the work, on what you recommended to do, on what I think of doing. Thanks. So here we go...



On Virginia's image

• How did it function?

I think people found it very strong as an image and the fact that I framed it as a part of another performance that had happened in the past, it was very intriguing for the audience as if was questiononing who is the real audience. It put them in a certain mode of looking for the rest of the piece. There was something unattractive and disturbing that made it strong. Giving later the description of Virginia's image it gave another layer to it.

• What should I do with it ?

I haven't understood if people recommended me that I have to do something, good or bad, with it. I think they gave me their interpretations of the image and allowed me to see it from their eyes so that I have a stronger and deeper understanding of its function.

• How do I think going further?

I will keep these functions of the image in my mind and let them inform my body awareness whilst performing. One more thing I would like to do, after having seen the video myself is to increase the time of delay in Isadora so that the difference is stronger.

• What did the people actually say?
  

Dr Martin Hargreaves commenting Virginia's image

Monica on Virginia's image

Me giving some further explanation

Regarding the text of the lecture

• What was the function or the discussion about it?

I think that this is where I got the most of the (constructive) criticism. In a very very very few words: People felt that it was not strong, it was a bit boring, I was lookin insecure about it, there was no structure. Some others wanted me to to position myself clearly whether in favour or against war.

• What should I do?

Different suggestions. Some people suggested I should be more free with the text and not be bound by my scripts. In that sense, I could have pictures in front of me and let the conversation go wherever it leads. Another suggestion was to become more secure when delivering the text by working harder on it and really knowing what I am talking about. Another suggestion was to think the timing of the individual components of the lecture so that I dont give more weight to something that I dont want to. I should also try to link it back to Virginia Woolf's primary image otherwise I dont explain what there is in this picture. The pictures of Ernst Friedrich with the huge facial wounds , I should also first people to enjoy their looks and then make them feel guilty with their pervert desires (and I mean that I should sometimes first show the picture and then talk about it so that I dont preempt what they should read. Or at least put them simultaneously).

• How am I going to go further?

Well actually I am thinking of letting the lecture be more loose. For my next rehearsal I will do the following. I will have all pictures in front of me. Then start speaking in any order. Leaving it live and see where the course of the discussion will take me. Learn by heart 5-6 sentences I really fancy but no script. For that reason, I will have the papers close by me (at least for the beginning) to feel security and refer to them whenever english doesnt come out of my mouth, but I should try avoiding that as much as possible. After doing it 6-7 times I will understand more or less interesting time paths that I am taking. Hopefully there is going to be some sort of repetition in some parts of the lectures. That will help me to start building up a structure but not a script. In that sense I will work the text like a choreographer. It's not going to be a text anymore but a choreography. And the style of it: improvisation. After that I will try to see when do I show the photos? I will try to build a "on the spot" awareness of the timing of the photo in relation to the text. This awarenes should take into consideration the following:

1. the content of the picture
2. the composition/light/ colour and artistic strength of the picture
3. the content of the spoken text
4. the dynamics of the argumentation
5. what I need to convey or what affect do I want to create in the audience
6. the freedom and easyness of my performance (instead of a cubersome work with lots of thinking)

I should also try to refer back to other images I have already spoken about so that I built up a thick net of interrelations that can serve as a basis of my argumentation

• Here is what the people actually said

Playmobilling the 9/11

Although Deborah, the director of the school in Germany where I am teaching, was physically not present with the other friendly intruders, she sent me an email concerning the video.

• How did it function?

The contrast between the childlike game and the horror of reality augmented the affect of the experience. Being able to see me manipulating the playmobils and not being always succesful gave the idea of an ugly reality. The voice and the noise of the ambulance has an impact (not really sure what that easy for Deborah but I felt she was intrigued by it). It was understood as both being prerecorded (Debora the ambulance is the only real noise I've put).

• What should I do with it ?

The idea of the live version being projected on the wall would make it more real. As a suggestion for being able to do all the tricks at the same time (camera, playmobils, script etc) I could strap the camera on my head (although Deb said it as a joke, I am really thinking of it now).

• How do I think going further?

I think I want to try again the live. I know that the aesthetics of failure (my expression that i will try to explain another time) really work out great, so I am not going to challenge that too much (maybe just be more sure about what I do). I want to see what it means to do it live. I want to rehearse it many times. It might just end up a video again, but I would at least have done a lot of research behind it. I don't really know how I should go further. Maybe just do it again and try to catch up any possibility that might pop up. Sticking the camera on my head is NOT a bad idea.

• What did Deborah actually say ? (that's easy coz it's an email)

Hey Pavlos, well, I loved your Playmobil video. Wow.. I´m serious. It had a really profound playfulness about it that actually didn´t hit me until half an hour after I watched it and am writing you this mail. Yes a playfulness that wasn´t so obvious in the first moment because I was also concentrating on the connections to the real fotos... which is of course really really facinating and I focused firstly on that connection. I don´t know whether thats what you want to hear or not. I thought it might be interesting for you to at least hear from maybe an outsider who could oneday be sitting in the audience who has never seen the pictures from Viginia Wolf before and who has never read the book that you read. I HAVEN`T so I represent that part of your audience. Well Its now quite emotional, my feelings about the video. Because of the childishness, even seeing your hand come in and pick up a figure that has fallen over..... I love it!! Its such a contrast to the horrific pictures and what actually happened that it also makes those horrific images even stronger. Am I making sense????? Then I thought of you with your loneliness in the room by yourself.... playing.... reflecting.....deciding.... not being able to decide........giving up... starting over again...... Was that your voice on the film... or a recording of original sounds? I didn´t hear even what language it was... sorry I didn´t have the sound up very loud when I watched it. You know, I think I´m gonna watch it again and see what affect it has on me now... Wait a few minutes... I´ll be right back Deb

[By the way, these days Debora is also passing very difficult times with the preparation of her new piece in Staatstheater Kassel with the school. The piece concerns the gaze and issues of intimacy in relationships. Here is the flyer of the performance ]

Archiving Time

• What was the function of laser-labeling?

For people it felt now the marking of the border between then and now. It was a device for archiving and documenting history. It has an intersting touch. Although it was not readable what the content of the label was, there was something very important about them. The laser helped the space be dense and materialize.

• What should I do with it?

I am not quite sure if i felt there was a suggestion on that issue. But I think I might be wrong. In that sense, I take all your readings and interpretations of the "laser-labelling" as an enrichment of my awareness.

• How do I think of going further?

I think I need to be quicker with the labeling so that the wall gets more dense of red tapes. I need to find a better solution with the laser-pointer since that one last only 40 mins and the batteries cost 3 pounds each time. Besides it looks very very messy. I like messiness but a little bit less to make it clear if not clean.

• Here is what people actually say

Archiving time by Dr Hargreaves

The written Feedback per personBelow is what I think people wrote on their papers as part of the feedback process. If you have seen all the videos from the presentation day (=Friday) then you will realize that on the last part, I have asked from people to write down their thoughts and reflections. Do check the video because I did a lightful little montage there. Again this is what I think you wrote. Please send me any corrections or additions as appropriate.

Nic:
Would like me to explain a bit more about the function of captions as a magic tool for interpretation of an image. She would also like to link back to Virginia Woolf in the end especially on how photos make the war feel "real". She was intrigued by the pigheaded image. She loved the room that looked like a playground. She found the throwing of the pictures down to the floor an irreverent movement with strong impact. She loved Sontag's presence. She was not sure of the function of the tags although she liked it.

Edita:
She found the naked body as a vulnerable position. She wanted to hear my position on war (whether I agree or not). She found the video with the playmobils as a strong and violent act of power against the weak and innocent causing injustice to toys.

Chris:
He spoke from a more "affect" perspective. He saw the violence, the suffering, people suffering, people not being here and now anymore, he saw the time passing, he saw people looking at suffering. He was lost about what the main interest of the work was. He said that the first image (from Virginia) it fades away.

Leslie:
Had a lost of question: why naked? what is war? what is photography? what is the distinction between them? She found the lecture unorganized and without an underlying concept. She found the space interestingly messy. She seems doubting about the overall.

Eleni:
Like Chris she had a phenomenological approach in her feedback. She saw Sontag's mask as an ugly lady hanging from the wall. She saw a lot of technical equipment and a big mess (she wants it cleaned up). She saw my dick and a pig mask as a strong image. She heard me trying to explain that war might be different from what we have been taught. She didnt concentrate on the pictures shown, the lazer was distracting. She wondered why the bottle and glass if not used. She wasnt sure about the end of the performance and my relationship to the audience (are they classmates or lecturing audience or what? The lecturing needs more rehearsal.

Martin:
Found the pigheaded image wonderfully intriguing (disturbing and attractice). The contextualization and framing of the image made it even stronger. Sontag served as a totem and refusal of iconicity (I don't know what he means by that... ) He asked whether I need a script or I could go free. He asked whether I need the real photos of the 9/11 running simultaneously with the video (he found it too literal). He found that my description and talk was framing the pictures as if it were a caption to them and it would be great if I could challenge that.

CONCLUSIONS

1. I am sorry about the bottle with water and glass, I wanted to put it on the table and be able to drink about it.
   
2. I knew somehow that the space was messy. I tried to put it in an order. I think I still want to. I am not sure. Maybe... At least I am aware of it now. I'll think of it again.
3. The text... well I have already said I am going to improvise on it. I dont know what comes in the future.
4. I don't want to say whether I am in favour of War or not. I think it's irrelevant to the lecture. I want to leave it ambivalent, it makes the experience of looking/hearing more shocking.
   
5. I want to play more with the timing of showing the pictures in relation to the text. I want to make it more interesting for the audience to make their own thoughts and then me telling/imposing them my own.
6. I know why I am naked. It's a strong decision. In fact, if you read my article (already published in Pa Spissen and soon in Movement Research Journal), I am nude (because I am dressed up and disguised by my text and role as a lecturer). I am not naked. Other than a reference to Schneeman, I link it to this part of my article where I say that"when nudity is disguised as nakedness" it distorts reality with "the powerful potential to produce severe misreadings of the body". Since my work is about the playing between what is real and not (like captions distort reality, photos make war real, I am not real but pretend I am real etc) I think this element fits in quite strongly. (WOW DID I SAY ALL THAT ???? I need to find a better and easy way to explain this)
7. I think I need to interlink between images (not so important though that Woolf comes in again, but maybe it is, since it's so strong)
8. My relationship with the audience is clear. I am having a meta-spectator. Meta in sense that he is staring that something that is supposed to have already been viewed by someone else and so he becomes a spectator of the spectator. He is there to spectate me and also the feelings of the previous spectators, altough he knows that he is the very first one that spectates it. I want him to question the previous spectator, try to understand how he might fell. But since he knows that there has been no other spectator, he questions himself. I want him to be lost in his position. I want him to find his way out. On his own. I am not talking to classmates, I am just addressing whoever is infront of me and pitch it to him/her. Because it's about him or her, judging someone else, who in the end is him or her. So I need to make it approachable to draw them in this game of questioning. I guide them through their emancipation Ritsema and Bel would say.
   

Virtual Work in Progress

Today, I presented my work to some colleagues. Below you may see the whole presentation divided in 4 segments for easier uploading/downloading/viewing.
However, I have made up some pictures just as a small exercise according to the feedback I got after. This is NOT the original work in progress, nor is it the final work in progress... It's a virtual work in progress.
So for those of you who saw it already, please a have look once again. For the rest, just bear with me. It's half an hour and sometimes boring in a video, since it is a lecture and not a fast-changing-imagery-video-clip with people dancing.


Part I: Introduction
On Part I, I introduce myself and the topic of the lecture and prepare the space to start working

Part II: Virginia Woolf & the unfoundable image
On Part II, I show the unfoundable photo of Virginia Woolf. Sorry it's not great quality with the camera. Live I think it's stronger since you are faced with a huge projection. Anyway you will get the idea

Part III: What are the functions of War Photography? an encapsulation of Chapter I of the book of Susan Sontag.

Part IV: The Power and Myths of War Photography. based on chapter 2 of Sontag's famous (by now) book

Part V: My 'disrespectful' 9/11 video and some explanations
The video of 9/11 is the one you can read below with Playmobils. I claimed that some people, when they saw my performance, they found it disrespectful. Below you may read why I think that I was not disrespectful but tried to explain to people my fears for the future when captions are omitted. Still I think that the video does include a part of destruction and pain in it. And that is what makes it so ambivalent and strong.

A seminal decision
As you can see above, I took a last minute seminal decision which in the end worked out fine.
That was to treat the lecture as a presentation of my own artistic practice and its failures.
Thus, I created a fictitious situation around me.
I say that I have already done a solo that has been presented as a performance and in this lecture I trace the theory/thoughts behind it.
This fiction around me was multifunctional: (a) it fitted the convention of a performance lecture since it is a self-refection, hiding under it a narcissism, and always with the aesthetics of failure in mind, (b)brought the link between the theory and the practice, (c) helped me to feel more strong since it allows me to aknowledge my mistakes in a nice way.





Some other last minute decisions
That's a great anecdote. You will love it.
Well, in the beginning of the piece the camera is spotting on some "dead" playmobils. Later on though I need to change the camera to focus on the place where I will project my photos. I need thus to mark that area on the wall to find the place easier and don t spend time while the audience is waiting. In the beginning I put a tape. It was ok for me.
Then I went on doing other works and preparing the space and realized that the only thing that was left outside and didn't know what to do with it was Sontag's muppet. So, I decided to put it there on that spot. Which meant that Sontag was contantly projected on the beamer. It felt like having the photo of a queen or something like that. People loved it. I loved it too coz it was like I was having her to support me. It was like a totem. Soon you will read the feedback of the people and will understand better how it worked.





Pressure of Presentation
There is something good about the pressure of presentation. It sort of forced me to work harder. I had a deadline and I had to experiment but without being lost from my track which effectively is to show/present my work to others. So I experimented all this time, and only the last 1 (or even less) days I started thinking on HOW to present. There were last minute decisions (most of which worked out fine) and ofcourse the presentation itself I treated it as a rehearsal, so I didn;t know the result. It was the first time that different elements were coming together in one entity. It was an experiment for me. An open rehearsal. With the pressure of someone staring at me and being forced to make it work.





My feedback to myself
I felt like starting to find my way in this chaos. I still don't know where I am going but I have a feeling of a sense of direction.
It's a choreographer that explains his research on war photography for a piece he has made earlier and that created a lot of controversy around his name.
That's the idea. I still think I need to work on what I call the "performance" (that I did as a choreographer). I should not allow myself to hide behind the "aesthetics of failure. What do I mean by that? Well you know, just because I am a choreographer who knows that his work was not good but claims that he had a great theory behind, it doesnt mean that I should not work harder on making a good choreography. I think if I manage to make a great "choreography", then the audience will follow me better.
Another thing that I thought is that the laser doesnt work. I mean it's great but I need to find a better one where the batteries last more time, that i dont need to tape so much.
My question is... do I want to make the whole lecture or do I want to work in depth ? Coz I managed to do two chapters and it took me half an hour. Imagine if I wanted to do the whole book (thinking especially chapter 3 and 5 that are full of pictures). I still have some more ideas I need to work on. Should I keep this as a time of experimentation on new things or should I experiment in how to go deeper? To be or not to be?




General Feedback
When the feedback session finished I had the impression that it was very positive. In general people commented on my messiness in the text and that I need to make out what there is there. There was a suggestion to play more with the timing of pictures to allow for more ambivalence and engage the audience with confronting them with their real feelings instead of imposing them my own views.
People, I think, enjoyed my laser device as a means of tracking time, the tags as a meas of archiving, Susan Sontag's muppet, playful but dramatic effect of playmobil video. The image of Woolf's description was a big hit, the pig face with me lying nude on the floor was strong.





Steps further
Well, as I said above, this is my impression of what people thought. I am not sure thought that this is what they said or this is what I understood. So my task for today is:
-to take pedantic notes of the minutes of the feedback session
- write a summary from these notes
- send them to all people present and ask them to amend them by adding, erasing, correcting as appropriate.

Furtherthan that, I need to take some distance from the piece itself to understand how it works and what are its strenghts/weaknesses. That is great since I have to prepare myself for another presentation.
However, I am responsible to write down everyday things that I have reflected upon and thought, or things that I have come up with that have a relationship to the piece and help for another interpretation or understanding of it.





and a little hint from my psychology these days
My yesterday's real nightmare
I was giving my perfomance lecture in Thessaloniki, the city were I was born and raised as a child. Some friends were there (among who was Pepi, an old dancer of mine, and Niki, an old old old fellow student in english classes who I recently learned she entered the school were I was teaching last year). I was naked. When I sat down to do the beamer, Niki coughed and told me that my ass was red like a rose. I hadn't cleaned my ass after my poopoo.
I felt ashamed. I felt dirty. I felt vulnerable. I had never thought of the repercussions when taking off my clothes.

My midrehearsals crisis and some solutions

A battle of grey and colour

For most of this post I do automatic writing. I know it won't make sense from the first moement but I need to write it down. In the end you will get what I mean.
Take a look first to this army of playmobils. With its colourful enthusiasm and grey fears, ready for battle. The result is unknown...



I was wondering when that would come. A crisis I mean.
I have ended up my day with a crisis...
I don't know what I am doing.
I don't know IF I am doing anything in fact.

I had the thought that what I am doing is going to develop to a really interesting piece.

I was mischiefed.

What I am doing is a big shit.

I have just read a book and going to present it.
I have some ideas on how to make it performable but I don't know how to materialize them.

I don't even know how performable I want it to be. Sometimes I say it's a lecture. Some others I am thinking of it as pure performance, just reconstruction of images.
(I am avoiding the word performative...)

I watched the piece from an outside eye today.
There is nothing

Only complicated thoughts in my mind.

These thoughts mingled as they are they try to begin their journey to arrive to your mind. But heavy as they are, they never make it. They remain in my head.
What you see is my head burning of thoughts.
You don't do anything. You let me take fire.
Just like my yesterday's dream.
Prophetic you could say.

I love gadgets, props, technology. That's all what I have been doing.
An accumulation of materials.
I fooled myself. I thought that materials were material enough to make my thoughts materialize.
How idiot of me.

Why am I wondering all these? Why this crisis?
Tomorrow, I am having a presentation in front of my fellow students. I tried thus to see what I've done until now and how I could present it.
It's nothing.
And don't tell me it's still the beginning. It's not the beginning. I am working on these ideas in my mind long time now. Even in studio, I am working a lot of hours.
I just don't think I have the talent.

What are you going to present?
Yes, exactly, that was my question.
I thought a bit of lecture, a bit of making the space...
I can't play with the playmobils. They were the reason of my crisis.
I realized that I can't film, make the music show the pictures, show the video, tell a story at the same time. Technically, I need looooong DV cables (and even if i had them, I wouldnt be able to wander around in the rest of the room with meters of cables and a camera). Performingly (if it exists), I need talent (and if I had one, believe me I wouldnt end up in fucking Laban).

Ok ok let me take everything from the start.


Today I decided, as I had told you, to work on putting pictures of 9/11. I first recreated them with Playmobils, then put them in random order and made a story that has nothing to do with the real. Then narrated the story while playing with the playmobils. Then held a camera on my hand and narrated a story while playing with the playmobils. Then showed the corresponding real pictures, while the playmobil story takes place.
Complicated to explain. Complicated to understand. Complicated to do.
But I said ok, that's my task. To manage to do complicated things on my own, without the help of anyone.
I think the result is a tragedy.

If I do decide to keep up this part, then it will either be a prerecorded video or i might show photos of playmobil instead of a video.
For sure the live playing of playmobils is out of question.
I am simply not mediocre enough.


Which means....
Well, if we take the playmobils live playing, then the performance lecture becomes a lecture.
FUCK......

How did I make my storyline
I took some of the original pictures from the "Here is New York" photographic exhibition about the 9/11.
I then tried to put a caption under them. Remember that these pictures remain uncaptioned, unnamed, untitled. And Susan Sontag says "one day captions will be needed."
The caption had to be something obvious but not necessarily in connection with the real events.
These captions where sort of like little segments of stories.
I then put the different captions in categories.
I made a map.
I called it caption map.
Each area is circled like in a bubble and contains a small story. Different little stories were then mixed up together to make one unified story.



Corresponding Pictures and Tags





Some further research on performance lecture.
If there is such thing as common denominator or a convention of Performance Lectures then that is it's relation to the "I". Performance Lectures are highly self-reflective. "This self-reflective form of artistic practice questions the doings of one’s own and the conditions of these doings, conditions in this case meaning the predominant ways of producing and receiving" (Pirkko Husemann, 2004).

In the double framing (as a lecture and a performance) the lecture performance oscillates between embodying and accounting, between narrating and enacting, representing and presenting, playing and lecturing, executing and explaining.
This enables a whole range of modes of perfection and imperfection on stage – every mistake, every imperfection is automatically an reflection on the situation of the performance itself. Xavier Le Roy even puts small imperfections – like skipping a slide – into his lecture to make it more “real”.


Why does that happen?

Lecture performances are artistic bastards, somewhere between poor or conceptual theatre and minimal art. They show the impossibility of imitation, of representation and at the same time its possibility. It is this why the space lecture performances offer, is so often used for testing abstruse theories in a game of fact and fiction (like Marten Spangbergs “Extra Clear Power” or Sibylle Peters “The Art of Demonstration”). And it is this why the space lecture performances offer, is so often used for talking about oneself: The “I” is a disguise for the “I”; it offers the possibility of being totally honest and hiding oneself behind oneself at the same time. This is crucial hence it allows a distance to oneself whilst being closing in to that very same self at the same time.
(I in disguise, Tanzquartier Wien, 2005)

I think my blog is my Performance Lecture. The rest is something else...

Some Developments of my Research

Dreaming (an early reply before I forget)
Yesterday, I dreamt of being invited at a friend's place. The house of Konstantinos Gerardos, a choreographer and amazing person from Greece for whom I was working like year. I could stay at his place for some nights. I was given a room.
I wake up in my sleep and start wandering in the house. The house seems very big and sunny. A large corridor and on its side there are windows looking at a large balcony.
Outside the window I can see for a flame coming from a tube. As if the gas pipe has taken fire. Black smoke, red fire. I can't hear anything, the windows are sealed. The house will be burnt if it goes on. I run in the house to find an extinguisher. The house is empty. Noone is there. I am all alone. I thought of saving his kids but they are not here. I find the extinguisher. I go to the fire. It's still there. Can I put out the fire? what happens if I go too close to it and it enters the extinguisher. Will it blast?
I woke up. I don't know what I did. Probably nothing


To all you that read my emails

Today I begin with something very important. I could never believe how many are actually reading my emails. It's amazing. Some people tell me how much they enjoy them and others give me feedback ideas. Guyz, I reallllly appreciate all your support. I am so happy when I read your emails. I dont have a problem if you are bitching me either. It means that you are taking care of me. Thanks :)


An amazing email
Anita, a fellow student in the MA choreography, sent me this email yesterday. I am sure she doesn't mind me publishing it although it gets personal by the end.

Doing nothing is an importanmt part of the process.

Being away from this biulding is even more important.

How much of what you are doing right now is defined by where you are?

Why is Seminar Room C "nice?". Do you want to be in a nice space? Why?

Are you dreaming about the piece yet?

I had a dream the other night:

I had parked my car and lost it. Then I found it again and realised something was missing. What was missing was a baby who WAS in the back seat, but all was left was an image on my phone of the baby in a paper bag left under a tree.

Anita

I found it very inspiring and encouraging. Thanks Anita


Questioning Space and Me (by Anita)
Well, about your question for the space.
Here is what I think.
- First of all it's a Lecture Room. In that sense, I respect the identity of the space and do not produce something irrelevant. I was looking for a space where Lecturing is a part of its smell.
- I am not using the space as Laban would do, like finding the lines, the restrictions, the material etc.
- I am not intervening in the space, meaning changing it's looks.
- The two beamers are projecting on a space designated by the architecture of the space
That's my evaluation.
I think it's not enough now that I am thinking of it.
Do I want it to be enough ?
Well, if I want to make a piece that is easy to tour and transfer it elsewhere, I should keep my relation to the space to the minimum. So that this piece could be performed in another space too.
On the other hand, it's always great when we feel that this piece is connected to the earth, it has an insurmountable relation to its surroundings. And I could always rework the space if I am invited to perform the piece elsewhere.
In any case... the piece is for now, here and now. Let's make something and when the "there and future" come, I can think of it again.
So, I think that all my work now should be focused on questioning how much I am influenced by my surrounding space and its architecture. My new task with the playmobils will certainly work on that.

Working towards a presentation for feedback
I hope that until tomorrow I will have a substantial amount of work to show to my fellow mates and teachers. The more I show of my ideas the more feedback I will get to correct.
The thing is that usually I know where a piece is standing. With this one I have no clue. How will it be perceived? What kind of suggestions do they have? What did I forget to think ? Which reality have I forgotten to take in mind? Will I ever be able to take the whole of reality in mind before presenting it to other people?


Some questions

Below you can see a footage of the rehearsal. It takes me 26 minutes to set up the space. Initially I had thought to have the audience in the space and watch me setting up the space. But it's really boring. REALLY boring. And it doesn't fit the topic of the lecture. So I think I'll take it out and ask the audience to enter once I am ready. The two reasons why I wanted audience to enter while I am setting up the space were the following: (a) based on my methodological concept that I am working on my own, I should show to the audience my loneliness even in the process of setting up the performance for them, and (b) Miguel Gutierrez is a great influence to me on that, because he puts the music loud and enters the space bringing one by one and very fast his objects inside the space. I don't know what I should do... Probably I'll take the setting up out.
Another question that I have is: should I first show the reenactment of the picture of Virginia Woolf? or should I first introduce myself as a lecturer, welcome the audience explain them what happens etc? Then take off my clothes and represent Woolf's photo? What do you think ?




Why Naked?

I was wondering these days why nobody has asked me why do I give the lecture naked. Well apart from my research on nudity and nakedness. Here is what I have for you:

Naked Action Lecture (1968)
[In] Naked Action Lecture... I lecture on my visual works and their relations to antecedents in painting while both dressed and undressed, dressing and undressing.
Naked Action Lecture asked the questions: can an artist be an art historian? Can an art historian be a naked woman? Does a woman have intellectual authority? Can she have public authority while naked and speaking? Was the content of the lecture less appreciable when she was naked? What multiple levels of uneasiness, pleasure, curiosity, erotic fascination, acceptance or rejection were activated in an audience?
... In the course of the thirty-minute lecture I undressed and dressed and walked back and forth with a pointer, discussing aspects of perception and spatial organization.

Carolee Schneemann, 'Naked Action Lecture' (1968), More than Meat Joy: Complete Performance Works and Selected Writings, ed. Bruce McPherson (New Platz, New York: Documentext, 1979) 180.

Performance Lecture research

Unlike common beliefs, performance lecture is not a new trend nor an invention of Xavier Le Roy whom most people aknowledge as the first performance lecturer.

Yvonne Rainer already in 1968 wrote :

"Between 1968 and 1970 my work moved along in overlapping stages. I devised a format variously called Performance Demonstration, or Performance Fractions, or Composite, which would include fragments from old work plus slides, sound and whatever new work I was engaged in. On Sept. 16, 1968, I presented my first Performance Demonstration at the Performing Arts Library at Lincoln Center."Yvonne Rainer, "Performance Demonstration"
in Dies. "Work 1961-73"New York 1974 S. 109-115

Later on, in 1986, Marianne Goldberg gave a performance lecture on "Ballerinas and Ball passing" at the Women in the Arts Symposium.
But it is only Since Product of Circumstances (1999) by Xavier Le Roy that there has been a boom of lecture-performances in the dance world. Just to name a few I recall works like Self-Interview (2000) by Xavier Le Roy, Distanzlos (1999) and Stationen (2003) by Thomas Lehmen, Tino Sehgal’s Untitled 1997-2003 (2003), Mårten Spångberg’s Extra Clear Power (2003), The Last Performance (A Lecture) (2004), Jochen Roller’s Perform Performing 1-3 (2002-2004), Edit Kaldor’s Or Press Escape (2002), Directory (2003) by deufert+plischke and finally, Juan Dominguez’ All good spies are my age (2002) and How heavy are my
thoughts (2003) by Ivana Muller.
Pirkko Husemann said in his own performance lecture:

"This almost inflationary accumulation of lecture-performances coincides with a growing tendency to selfreflexivity in performing arts. Inspired and activated by a scepticism of themarket’s dominating commercially- oriented production and presentation forms, more and more performing artists have set themselves in search of other ways of working, striving the way to (re)discover new or forgotten concepts of staging and perception, and aiming to use these forms as part of a critical practice. This self-reflective form of artistic practice questions the doings of one’s own and the conditions of these doings, conditions in this case meaning the predominant ways of producing and receiving. This critical practice is formulated as a resistance against taken-for-granted practices, expectations, opinions and institutions, in order to bring to light the potential of one’s own field of work and influence, a potential yet unknown or forgotten. The goal of this critical plan of action is to change, from the inside out, dance and theatre’s dispositif of representation by using this field’s already inherent possibilities, in other words, to change the function through use." Pirkko Husemann, "The Absent Presence of Artistic Working Processes, The Lecture as Format of Performance.“ Lecture Performance, Frankfurt, 5. 8. 2004

As lecturer in different schools giving a lecture in the form of a performance is like a comment on our society of knowledge. The performance lecture features a kind of not knowing, which belongs to an order that has nothing to do with the order of knowledge. A not knowing, which does not represent a lack, which is not obscure, ignorant, or non-scientific but which produces an event beyond knowledge (ideas from Derrida).


How do I find the energy?

I felt like having done quite a lot of work or at least important work today. When I came back home I was full of energy even after 10 hours of rehearsals (plus extra time writing my blog, replying to emails etc) . I think there are many factors why I worked harder today than other days. And it's good if I can identify them so that I know how to be effective with my work.
(a) Weather
First of all it's the weather. Yes, it was a bit worse today so there was no desire for me to get out and lay in the grass. Although that doesn't hold true for the whole day. At a point of time some students and teachers (including Martin) they were suntanning in the Laban gardens.
(b) No Park
Another reason might be because I didnt go for a long walk in the park. I didnt get tired by staying in the park.
(c) Supernap
I took a supernap. Do you know what a supernap is ? Well that's my word. It's when you just lie on the bed for 10 mins. Close your eyes. You are in a situation semi asleep non asleep. You are aware of the things around you but youjust sleep for a small time. AMAZING... It's the most relaxing thing ever. After this I am ready to go wild :) whereas if i had taken a a real sleep i wouldnt be able to wake up.
(d) Not working from scratch
Working from scratch is the most painful and tiring thing ever. So today I had to work with things I had already done and just rework on them according to my notes. It's easier before you know exactly what you need to do. You direct your thought easier. That's maybe what I suggest to my students when I say : "Take a fast decision and then go for it..."


For tomorrow:

1) These are things I need to do for tomorrow. I need to finalize script of chapter 4 and learn script of chapters 3 and 4 by heart or almost by heart.
2) reconstruct the photos with the playmobil, put them in space, connect them with a silly story line (just like i did with Ilona), engage camera and take good attention to the angle of the camera's perspective, try to find a way to project on the other beamer the real photos. Do you show the real photos during the story or do you show them after the story ???? THINK OF SPACE ....
3) correspond each photo with a sound
4) prepare the tags for every picture. Put the pictures in the correct order, take out the pictures that you don't need.

Chris Crocker

sometimes I feel that this work of this blog is like being Chris Crocker. Like I need to maintain it interesting, I need to spit out things from my heart. Chris is a great idol in internet for me. I love watching for his videos and wait for some of his new additions. I find him great... Don't you know him? Enjoy him.